2012 Reflection

It's it hard to believe that in two days it will be 2013. Looking back over the past year is emotional for so many reasons. My dad has recovered from his battle with cancer, and we got the best news that we would in fact get the chance to be parents. After months and months of heartache, bad news, negative pregnancy tests, procedures, and shots, we are 4 months away from meeting our baby face to face. 

We are so blessed to have had the support and prayers of so many family members and friends over the past couple years. Now as I sit and feel my little Jeremiah bouncing around inside my belly it is hard to remember all of the physical and emotional pain we endured on this incredible journey to parenthood. 

I would not take back one single difficult conversation, one procedure, one shot, or one blood test. This was the journey God had planned for us all along and it has been nothing short of miraculous. 

I can remember all of the conversations I had with God about my desire to be a mom. I can remember crying myself to sleep and wondering why He had chosen this for my life. I can also remember leaning on Him and trusting in Him more than I ever knew possible. I can remember Him picking me up out of times of sorrow and bringing me joy through the sweet babies and children of others and through my job as a teacher. 

He allowed me the ability to laugh with my husband in the most difficult of times and I got to know Him as a true Father for the first time in my life. Most of all I can remember the day and the conversation I had with Him in which I was finally able to find peace in the fact that I may never carry a biological child. I can remember the brief feeling of grief but the overwhelming feeling of peace. I knew I would be a mom one way or the other but I was finally able to accept the reality that it might not be the way I had planned my whole life. 

As I sit here 5 months into this pregnancy I am overwhelmed with gratitude for being able to try the In-Vitro process and for its success against all odds, joy for the opportunity to feel this little boy growing strong and experience pregnancy, and a sense of my Father's love for us that He has chosen us to be Jeremiah's parents, the best gift of all.