Years ago when I thought I controlled my life and could plan it the way I wanted I would have said that I would be done having ALL of my kids before I was 30. Then it changed to..ok, well I will have at least one baby before I am 30...well, I will at least get pregnant before I am 30...
Not happening. I turned 30 today and to be honest I was a bit surprised that I didn't even think twice about being 30 and not having any kids!
A year ago I might have thought that this day would be particularly difficult if we were still struggling to conceive but that was before I found PEACE. I feel blessed by all that God has done for us and given us and turning 30 does not change that.
I was inspired and renewed by the book of James today.
(1:2-4) I can change my perspective...instead of thinking about being the oldest mom on the block I can be a more mature, more complete mom someday by learning to persevere through the past 3 years of trials.
And, I guess I'll be a bit older too than I had originally planned but I'm ok with that. Haha (;
(1:12) It is the most amazing feeling to read this verse not being pregnant or having a baby and feeling like I have already earned the crown. Deep down I feel like we have already won the prize and we haven't even gotten what we have been praying for yet!? God is pretty awesome.
Thank you for your prayers!
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
IVF Step 1 AGAIN!
This week we had our baseline ultrasound/blood work again.
We have officially begun the IVF process (again)...everything is looking good and we are sooo excited!
I am hoping that this blog will allow me to keep my family and friends posted on our progress as well as give me a venue to journal what it is like to go through the IVF process from beginning to end. Some will be boring and to be honest, I could use a little boring! (;
The next couple weeks will be pretty low key as we wait for my LH surge (ovulation) and then begins the craziness of stimulation, retrieval, and implantation, hopefully all leading up to a positive pregnancy test.
Here we go!!
We have officially begun the IVF process (again)...everything is looking good and we are sooo excited!
I am hoping that this blog will allow me to keep my family and friends posted on our progress as well as give me a venue to journal what it is like to go through the IVF process from beginning to end. Some will be boring and to be honest, I could use a little boring! (;
The next couple weeks will be pretty low key as we wait for my LH surge (ovulation) and then begins the craziness of stimulation, retrieval, and implantation, hopefully all leading up to a positive pregnancy test.
Here we go!!
What Polyps??
I went in for surgery on June 7th and when I was in recovery my doctor came to tell me that they did not find any polyps after all. They decided to do a "full scrape" anyway but she said that everything looked good to go and nice and smooth for baby.
Good news and bad news I guess...
At least now we know there is nothing there but now we have to start our cycle over and wait for me to start my period to begin again from square one.
Good news and bad news I guess...
At least now we know there is nothing there but now we have to start our cycle over and wait for me to start my period to begin again from square one.
IVF Step 1
My amazing dad did some research and we decided to begin IVF through UCSD where we found the
highest success rates.
We had a baseline ultrasound/consultation on May 23rd
and began birth control pills that same day.
May 31- We had a saline ultrasound/trial egg transfer where the Dr. found polyps in my uterus and said they needed to be surgically removed prior to continuing the IVF
journey.
Everything is on hold.
My Prayer
This is just one of the prayers I had written prior to beginning the In Vitro process...
Lord, thank you. Thank you for the past 3 years full of trials and for the growth that has taken place in our marriage and in myself. Thank you for giving me the best, most supportive and loving husband a girl could ask for. Thank you for teaching us how to love one another through discouraging and painful situations. Thank you for watching over our sweet little baby until we get to meet him/her someday.
As we get ready to begin this new journey I ask for your protection over my emotions and for your peace. Lord help me to stay away from anxiousness and envy. I know your plans for me are perfect, please help me to see that each morning when I wake up to face a new day. Lord give me strength to deal with the treatments and remove any fear that is within me. I am excited to see what you have planned and I am joyful in knowing that I do not have to worry, but that you are in control.
Lord, thank you. Thank you for the past 3 years full of trials and for the growth that has taken place in our marriage and in myself. Thank you for giving me the best, most supportive and loving husband a girl could ask for. Thank you for teaching us how to love one another through discouraging and painful situations. Thank you for watching over our sweet little baby until we get to meet him/her someday.
As we get ready to begin this new journey I ask for your protection over my emotions and for your peace. Lord help me to stay away from anxiousness and envy. I know your plans for me are perfect, please help me to see that each morning when I wake up to face a new day. Lord give me strength to deal with the treatments and remove any fear that is within me. I am excited to see what you have planned and I am joyful in knowing that I do not have to worry, but that you are in control.
Treatments Continued...2012
January 2012 IUI #2 FAIL
February 2012 IUI #3 FAIL
April 2012
IUI #4 FAIL
A few pics of my overly excited husband to give me the trigger shot taken just before each IUI. I hate shots so he has to do it for me and for some reason he loves getting to stab his wife in the belly with a needle. (;
A few pics of my overly excited husband to give me the trigger shot taken just before each IUI. I hate shots so he has to do it for me and for some reason he loves getting to stab his wife in the belly with a needle. (;
After 3 failed IUI attempts we were told by our fertility specialist that we should probably look into In Vitro Fertilization if we want a chance at biological children.
May 2012 In Vitro Fertilization is such a big deal. It is the most extensive, expensive, and intrusive fertility treatment out there. It is a last resort. We knew that this is a big decision to be made. We took the month of May to fast, pray, and really dive into the Word seeking wether this was the route that God had for us.
I know this is what God wants us to do. I have a supernatural peace about entering into this next phase. I am excited to see what God is going to do in us and through us and I know that someday I will be able to use my experience with IVF to help someone else and to bring glory to His Kingdom.
IVF...here we go!
Let the Treatments Begin!
Against the advice of our doctor, we decided to try one round of insemination. We were told that we would have an 8-10% chance of success.
June 2011 We did our first round of IUI (Inter Uterine Insemination)
June 2011 We're pregnant!! Our God is bigger than statistics!!
July 2011 We lost the baby (Unexplained miscarriage)
August 2011 D&C, started a new teaching job, and decided that we would be taking a few months off from treatments.
We were devastated after the miscarriage but more than anything we were just excited that it worked! I had a little baby inside of me, although it was only for a short amount of time. We still felt blessed and once again our hope was renewed. We trusted that God would make us parents BUT it was going to be in His perfect timing.
We took the next few months to relax and I poured myself into my students and my new position as a second grade teacher.
2011
2011 was a long year for us
emotionally and spiritually but we both learned so much about each other and God's amazing love for us. Although it was not easy we would not take back a single thing.
Here it is in a nutshell...
After months of tests and procedures we were finally told in April 2011 that we would not be able to conceive on our own. I have a low AMH which is a hormone tied directly to a woman's ovarian reserve. Basically, I have an extremely low amount of eggs and it would be nearly impossible for us to conceive without help.
We were completely devastated. I have dreamt of being a mom since I was a little girl and to be told that this dream may never come true...I was heart broken.
In the days and weeks that followed I can distinctly remember feeling as though I was grieving. Grieving the possibility that I may never have biological children.
We had a roller coaster of emotions and questions for God and several nights were spent crying myself to sleep and wondering, why??
I met with a friend who brought several things into perspective. She too had struggled with infertility and she said that she can remember God asking her "What if I make you last?"
This really hit home for me and I still think about it all the time. All of my friends had babies, and I felt that I was going to be last. God spoke to me through her and I was able to step back from my pity party and think to myself...
I came to the realization that this trial was not going to be easy. This trial was meant to grow me. To grow my husband. To challenge us to seek Him more and to practice more patience then I even knew was possible. This trial has been horrible at times but I would not take it back.
God is challenging me and my Type A personality. I am a planner and a control freak and I have had to surrender control to Him. It has not been easy but I can look back now and feel the freedom that comes with allowing the Lord to take control of my life and allowing Him to be my comfort in the bad times and my joy in the good.
The trial is not over but my perspective has changed. I have hope and joy in the Lord and I believe his promises to me are good. He is not punishing me but He is growing me and I am blessed and excited for what He has planned for Shaun and I and our future family.
We were completely devastated. I have dreamt of being a mom since I was a little girl and to be told that this dream may never come true...I was heart broken.
In the days and weeks that followed I can distinctly remember feeling as though I was grieving. Grieving the possibility that I may never have biological children.
We had a roller coaster of emotions and questions for God and several nights were spent crying myself to sleep and wondering, why??
I met with a friend who brought several things into perspective. She too had struggled with infertility and she said that she can remember God asking her "What if I make you last?"
This really hit home for me and I still think about it all the time. All of my friends had babies, and I felt that I was going to be last. God spoke to me through her and I was able to step back from my pity party and think to myself...
Who cares if I am last! Will I stop praising the Lord, or going to church, or reading His Word???
No!
I came to the realization that this trial was not going to be easy. This trial was meant to grow me. To grow my husband. To challenge us to seek Him more and to practice more patience then I even knew was possible. This trial has been horrible at times but I would not take it back.
God is challenging me and my Type A personality. I am a planner and a control freak and I have had to surrender control to Him. It has not been easy but I can look back now and feel the freedom that comes with allowing the Lord to take control of my life and allowing Him to be my comfort in the bad times and my joy in the good.
The trial is not over but my perspective has changed. I have hope and joy in the Lord and I believe his promises to me are good. He is not punishing me but He is growing me and I am blessed and excited for what He has planned for Shaun and I and our future family.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Our Story: The Beginning
It all began in February of 2009. Sounds so corny and awkward but this is when we officially started "trying" to get pregnant. After months and months of charting, temperature taking and frustration we finally decided something must be wrong. We were told by our doctors that we are not considered "infertile" until it has been one year.
Finally in June 2010 we began infertility testing through my OBGYN. There we began months of blood work, and different exams trying to figure out what might be impeding the process. When they found nothing wrong and we still were not able to conceive we were referred to the Fertility Specialists Medical Group in February of 2011.
Finally in June 2010 we began infertility testing through my OBGYN. There we began months of blood work, and different exams trying to figure out what might be impeding the process. When they found nothing wrong and we still were not able to conceive we were referred to the Fertility Specialists Medical Group in February of 2011.
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