TIRED!

It is 6:30 and I am in bed. Teeth brushed, face washed ready for bed. Crazy! I will play on the computer for a bit but if tonight is anything like the last 2 nights I will be asleep by 8:30 at the latest. 

I am so tired! 

My shot hurt very bad tonight for some reason and I cried. Only 4 more weeks to go! Of course it is worth it but it sure is getting old. It's beyond getting old, it's very old. I hate it. I love my little baby already but enough with the needles!

Speaking of baby!?!? Baby! Just saying that is weird...

I was talking to Shaun and realized that as Saturday gets closer, I am getting more and more nervous. I am more nervous for Saturday than I was for the pregnancy test. 

I am scared that when I look up onto the screen, there will not be anything there. :(

No heartbeat, no sac, no baby. 

Lord, help me to trust in you. Take away my fears and my anxiety. I know you are in control and I am excited to see the great things you are going to do in Shaun and I and with our family. 

I pray for this baby all day long and still I can't help but feel fearful that this joy is not going to last. That it is not for me. That maybe I have to endure something else, more, before I will get to really claim the words "I AM PREGNANT." 

Like I said, I am tired, and obviously a bit emotional. 

I will trust in Him. 

I had to see it for myself...

It is indeed....POSITIVE!

Some bloopers from my phone...we are soooo happy, can you tell?!?

Keep praying for our little munchkin(s). Saturday we go in for an ultrasound to see if it is one or two!

Surreal!

We found out we were pregnant on Wednesday and it is now Sunday, so tomorrow I will be 5 weeks along. My beautiful cousin got married yesterday and it was so much fun! 

We have been so busy lately that I feel like it has not even begun to sink in that I actually have a little baby(babies) inside me. Wow, as I sit here finally able to relax and think about it I am a bit overwhelmed with emotion. We are absolutely beside ourselves and feel blessed beyond belief. 

So...a little bit of details....Wednesday I went in to have my blood drawn at 7:00. That morning Shaun and I decided that instead of waiting until Thursday we would have them leave a message at home. When I got home from Parent Night we would listen to the message together. 

The nurse quickly shot down that idea when she told me that they cannot leave a message since it is medical information. I then asked her to call Shaun and quickly left on my way to school. 

At recess Shaun called me in a panic saying his phone was mysteriously dead after being fully charged and he did not have the nurse's number....blah, blah...long story short...he got his phone working and at lunch I got a call from him. 

My heart was POUNDING! I said "hey babe," he said "hi mommy, you're pregnant!" 

Silence, tears, more tears and such joy came over me. 

He went on to tell me that she said my numbers looked great. They hope the beta number will be around 100 at that point and mine was 191. She said we are "healthy pregnant" and that everything is looking wonderful. 

Minutes after hearing the news I praised the Lord and went to pick up my kiddos from lunch. What a crazy feeling. Such joy was bubbling up inside of me and I could not wait to get home to see Shaun. 

God is so good. We know it is still very early in the process but we are blessed. 

Baby's first wedding!

We're Pregnant!!!!

I had another extremely long day and will fill in the details later but praise the Lord we are indeed 

4 weeks and 3 days pregnant!!!!!

Woohooo!!!!

I'm exhausted, time for BED!

1 More Day

Tomorrow morning is my blood test!!! AAAHHHH! Wow! The time went by so fast! 

Normally they would call me sometime before 4:00pm with the results but Shaun and I have decided not to find out until Thursday. Tomorrow I have a blood test in La Jolla and then I head straight to school where I will be staying until 8:00pm due to parent/teacher night. 

There is no way I want to be thinking about my phone ringing all day and risk bad news prior to a room full of parents expecting a full presentation. It will be better if I can just relax (TRY to relax) tomorrow and then I will call or have them call me sometime Thursday. 

I have to admit when Shaun and I were talking tonight and he was asking me, "are you nervous?" "excited?" I felt weird that I feel neither. 

Then I realized as we talked that in the back of my mind I am already preparing myself for a negative. I have done this so many times that I have learned to protect my emotions so this way if it is not positive it will be much easier to hear, and get past emotionally. He was so mad saying, "What?!? No, you need to change that point of view and have faith in the Lord. Think about it being positive and you being a mom..."

Of course I have faith.

 I know God can do anything.

I know God wants/knows what is best for me. 

 I want to believe that there is a baby/babies inside of me that will grow big and strong for 40 weeks but it is not easy. 

I am scared.

I don't even want to know the results because I would just rather keep thinking I have babies in there....

I know I serve a gracious, loving, powerful and overcoming God. I know He is in control and His timing IS perfect.
So...remind me of that if you see me! Haha Thanks!

Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"

Psalm 34:4 "I sought the Lord and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears"

Day 8

Romans 12:12 "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."

2 days to go!

Pain in my @#!

I am soooooooooo tired of getting my progesterone shot each night. These shots are often referred to as PIO shots which stands for progesterone in oil. Long story short they are more difficult to do as they are much thicker than a normal water based injection. I have done these every night for the past 2 weeks and if we find out we are pregnant we will have to continue them until I am 8-9 weeks along. AAAHHHHH! 

And one more just in case you can't see how BIG this needle is...

And...pretend you don't see my love handles and just take a look at the bruises on my backside. Imagine what they will look like if we have to do these for another 5-6 weeks?!?

I am a bit irritated tonight because these are just not fun! However, I would do them for 9 months if that is what it would take. Today our pastor wrapped up his message with a few thoughts that hit home for Shaun and I....

Just because things are not fun and don't run smoothly does not mean God is not in the midst. Don't get caught up in the set-backs and losses (and shots in the rear), but instead focus on growing your faith and finding God in every step of the way. 

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

3 days to go!