2012 Reflection

It's it hard to believe that in two days it will be 2013. Looking back over the past year is emotional for so many reasons. My dad has recovered from his battle with cancer, and we got the best news that we would in fact get the chance to be parents. After months and months of heartache, bad news, negative pregnancy tests, procedures, and shots, we are 4 months away from meeting our baby face to face. 

We are so blessed to have had the support and prayers of so many family members and friends over the past couple years. Now as I sit and feel my little Jeremiah bouncing around inside my belly it is hard to remember all of the physical and emotional pain we endured on this incredible journey to parenthood. 

I would not take back one single difficult conversation, one procedure, one shot, or one blood test. This was the journey God had planned for us all along and it has been nothing short of miraculous. 

I can remember all of the conversations I had with God about my desire to be a mom. I can remember crying myself to sleep and wondering why He had chosen this for my life. I can also remember leaning on Him and trusting in Him more than I ever knew possible. I can remember Him picking me up out of times of sorrow and bringing me joy through the sweet babies and children of others and through my job as a teacher. 

He allowed me the ability to laugh with my husband in the most difficult of times and I got to know Him as a true Father for the first time in my life. Most of all I can remember the day and the conversation I had with Him in which I was finally able to find peace in the fact that I may never carry a biological child. I can remember the brief feeling of grief but the overwhelming feeling of peace. I knew I would be a mom one way or the other but I was finally able to accept the reality that it might not be the way I had planned my whole life. 

As I sit here 5 months into this pregnancy I am overwhelmed with gratitude for being able to try the In-Vitro process and for its success against all odds, joy for the opportunity to feel this little boy growing strong and experience pregnancy, and a sense of my Father's love for us that He has chosen us to be Jeremiah's parents, the best gift of all. 

Christmas Eve 2012

22 weeks exactly on Christmas Eve!

Baby boy is one whole pound and 11 inches long! He is kicking and moving constantly and I love every minute of it. Each and every movement is still so special to me and so amazing and makes me smile every time. Tutu (my mom's hawaiian version of grandma) has gotten to feel him several times this week and grandpa felt him tonight for the first time. I have dreamt of sharing these special memories with my family for so long and it is such a blessing to watch this baby bring joy already.  

Baby Jeremiah you are more loved than you even know and you aren't even here yet!

Merry Christmas! God is good! 

21 Weeks and a Surprise for Dad

Shaun has been able to feel lots of movements this week. He is so cute and excited each time little man kicks around. Although I feel him ALL the time it is hard to catch him with big enough movements for dad. 

Keep growing strong little Jeremiah, we love you!

Half Way!

20 weeks and feeling amazing! 

Christmas Card Pics

We had a friend take some pictures for our Christmas cards this year. These are just a few of my favorites! 

Peek a Boo...I SEE you!

Ah-Mazing!

Tomorrow I will be 20 weeks pregnant. I can hardly believe that I am half way through my pregnancy. I get to feel this little guy move so much throughout each day and especially in the evenings when I finally sit down and relax. It is still so surreal! 

Tonight as I was sitting on the couch playing on the computer I was feeling him move over and over in the same spot so I pulled up my shirt and stared at that spot....sure enough, I SAW my stomach move for the first time! WHAT?!? I wasn't sure if he was big enough to see from the outside but he is! Of course I immediately yelled for Shaun to come and see but...nothing. Poor daddy has yet to feel or see anything. He is starting to take it personal! Haha he says the baby is stubborn like his mommy....

Thank you Lord for a strong healthy baby boy and for giving me the opportunity to give him a safe place to grow and develop inside of me. Keep on kicking baby boy! 

Sweet Potato!

18 Weeks...

-Bought a belly band

-Shaun put crown molding in the nursery (It is beautiful!)

-We had an ultrasound and found out this baby is BIG. He is measuring a full week ahead at 19.5 weeks and his belly is measuring even bigger than that, nearly 20 weeks. I do have to admit I was worried when we left the appointment and made the mistake of googling the reasons why a baby's belly might be so much larger...I came up with some not so encouraging things so I am glad to say that after much prayer I now have peace and am trusting the Lord. He gave us this baby and he is perfect, big belly and all!

-We chose a name! Jeremiah David Naffziger. We both love the name Jeremiah and love that it means appointed by God/God will uplift and set free. What a great reminder of everything we went through to get this little guy. 

Almost half way there! 

Thankful on Thanksgiving

I had my 17 week appointment this week and everything is looking great! I am a bit low on iron and so my doctor suggested taking a separate iron pill with my prenatal vitamin each morning. We listened to little man's heartbeat and he is looking perfect! 

We have SO much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. 

Our day was full of family and way too much food as usual but ended with the most amazing thing for this first time mama. When I laid down in bed at the end of the day I felt the "fluttering" everyone has been asking about and telling me would be happening soon. It was amazing! Off and on for about 20 minutes I felt almost like a flip-flop feeling in my belly. WOW! Such a special feeling and something I was not sure I would ever get to experience. 

We are blessed. 

Happy Thanksgiving! 

Not the best picture but this was Thanksgiving Day 

Gender REVEAL!

The day after our ultrasound Shaun took the envelope to a local bakery where they made a cake for our party. 

Then we waited 3 days!

On Saturday night we gathered all of our family for the reveal! It was so much fun to find out at the same time but I have to admit I was SO anxious by the time the party rolled around. 

We had all of our guests dress in blue or pink to declare their vote!

 Time to cut the cake!!

It's a BOY!!

Such a fun night! A baby boy!!

4-D

This week we had a 4-D ultrasound done so that we could find out the sex of the baby. My doctor would not tell us for a few more weeks and I was anxious to know before the holidays. It was absolutely amazing! 

We told the lady that we did not want the sex revealed during the ultrasound since we had planned to do a Gender Reveal Party a few days later with our families.
We had a full 30 minutes to watch this little baby kicking, flipping, and sucking its thumb. She recorded the heartbeat and put it inside a little teddy bear. We got 40+ black and white and color pictures on a CD and a video of the whole session set to music. It really was a wonderful experience.
Anytime she would do a "between the legs" shot we turned our heads and waited for the all clear from her to look at the screen again. She then wrote the gender of the baby on a piece of paper and sealed it tightly in an envelope.
Here are a few pics but remember this baby is still in the "alien" phase. There is no fat on the baby yet so it is quite weird looking. Although to us, he/she is perfect!

One hand up by the ear, sucking thumb!

Profile

Avocado Baby!

16 weeks and officially have a belly. I am surprised EVERY time I look down. Yikes! 

 I am getting headaches regularly (every single day), some much worse than others but, I am blessed. 

For the most part, I feel absolutely wonderful. My energy level has definitely improved in the past couple weeks. Shaun and I were laughing the other night when we realized it was 10:00 and I was still awake! (; 

No official baby movements yet but I am SO ready to feel this little guy/girl. 

No "cravings" but I have eaten more cereal in the past 16 weeks than I ever wanted in my life. I love it!

We are beyond excited to find out the gender of this little babe in 2 days!

POP!

I am nearly 16 weeks and this week there was a noticeable change in the "lump" which hopefully soon will be closer to a baby "bump." I am ready for the day to come when it looks more like baby than just too much Halloween candy. 

Shaun has worked every night this week and when he came home from work today and actually had enough time to look at me, his reaction was so cute. You really can tell there is something growing in there. 

Here it is, don't judge...my husband is a horrible picture taker...cut off my head and got much closer to the "lump" than need be. I should have had him take a side shot...next time. 

Love this little babe so much already! 

Halloween!

Yesterday was Halloween and at our school it was the annual Jog-A-Thon. The theme for the Jog-A-Thon was Dr. Seuss and each grade chose a different character. My class along with the other third grade class dressed as "Thing 1 and 2." Since the other third grade teacher is pregnant and due 1 week before me we decided this would be a great time (especially since we are both into the second trimester) to break the news to our classes. 

The smaller circle says "Thing 2 Coming Soon"

When I went to pick up my kids they were all dressed up with blue hair and all! They were adorable. I left my sweatshirt zipped until we got to the classroom and then casually unzipped it. They were so funny and did not figure it out right away but when they realized there was a baby in there they were SO excited! The class consensus seems to be that it is going to be a boy (smart kids!) Ha ha

It was an exhausting day that continued with a Halloween get together at our house and ended with my first emotional breakdown of the pregnancy. I was in tears (sobbing!) by 9:30 due to a combination of little things but mainly because I was so over tired. 

Shaun was wonderful of course, as always and offered me just the right amount of quiet time, hugs, prayers, and encouragement. 

How did I get so darn lucky with this guy?!?

This morning was rough. I was still exhausted and rolled out of bed 40 minutes later than usual with giant bags under my eyes. 

Got through the day and still have to make it through tomorrow from 5:00am to 9:00pm since we have to go to the Homecoming Game after work. Sleeping in Saturday morning is going to be heavenly!

Here are the 2 preggo teachers liven it up at the Jog-A-Thon! 

Lemon!

14 Weeks- Officially in the 2nd Trimester!

Everything is still going great and most days I feel wonderful! I experienced a horrible 26 hour migraine this past weekend and I am hoping that NEVER happens again! Tylenol doesn't do anything for major migraines and I was so desperate that about 18 hours in I was drinking soda and eating chocolate trying to see if the caffeine would take it away. It didn't. I was worried about the caffeine at first but I know God is watching over this little baby and I am not going to spend this pregnancy worrying. So far pregnancy has been blissful and now that I am in the second trimester it should only get better from here. 

I am no longer craving the sour candy as my stomach is not upset very often. I do still love cereal more than I ever have but other than that no particular cravings. 

My mom is so excited and bought us the crib I wanted this past week (the cheapest, most basic white model crib on the market since our room is SO small). I LOVE IT! 

Shaun had the great idea to put it together in the living room so he could watch football but of course it didn't fit through the doorway....

So he took off one of the sides in the hallway...

Now it's in the room and perfect! 

I am loving the striped walls I painted over the summer when I was bored and desperate for a project. 

Here is the start to the nursery! I will not be doing anything further until we know the sex of this baby. Once that happens, all bets are off! I wouldn't be surprised if the nursery is done before I am in my third trimester. 

I have waited 4 years to decorate a baby room! So excited!

Plum Baby

We have officially reached the highly anticipated 12th week of pregnancy! Praise the Lord!

Everything is going amazing and I am blessed to be feeling great! I am still tired but not nearly as much as I was a few weeks back. I am having less and less of the stomach queasiness and I never threw up once (although there were a few times I think it would have felt good if I had). 

Although the baby is only a few inches long I have noticed my belly changing quite a bit in the past week or so. I have a small pooch that protrudes more in the evening. It is probably pizza and sour candy, not baby, but it's fun to think that after all of these years I almost have physical proof that a little miracle is growing in me. 

I am having weird sharp pains and muscle cramps in my belly, which my doctor and friends at work, say is completely normal but it sure is strange. 

We are blessed and cherishing every minute. 

Normal?!?

I finally talked to my OB and she assured me she has reviewed all of the pictures and everything is.....completely normal! Healthy baby, great location and not near the tube. NORMAL! I never fall into the "normal" category! 

We are feeling incredibly relieved and blessed. 

I could not be more in love with this little miracle baby already.  

Thank you for all of your prayers! We have almost made it through the first trimester and are praying for a drama free remainder of the pregnancy! As drama free as pregnancy can be that is. (;

The Wait Continues...

It is almost laughable but here we are again waiting 2 business days to hear wether my pregnancy is "viable" and all I can think about is my little kumquat sized baby bending and moving back and forth on the screen. It was amazing. Arms moving. Body bending at the waist and doing "sit-ups" as the ultrasound tech said. Miracle. 

We walked into the room expecting to see my OB, and instead we get just a ultrasound tech. She tells us that we will be doing an external and internal ultrasound and she is going to take several pictures. These pictures will then be analyzed by an x-ray person and sent to my OB who will then contact me within 2 business days. It was all business. Complete silence in the room until I asked her if she could tell me anything. Of course she said no, but she said she would give me a few pictures and that the heartbeat was 167 bpm (which is good). I thanked her and laid there exchanging silent looks with Shaun through my tear-filled anxious eyes as we watched our baby on the screen. 

It is so hard to think that the little baby we saw moving and healthy might not be for much longer. 

I am trying with all of my might not to think that way.

 I am holding that tiny moving body in my mind and focusing on the positive. 

I just wish I did not have to wait 2 days. I am learning to lean fully on Him once again and we are hoping and praying that today was not the last time we will be seeing that precious baby on the screen bouncing around. 

Here he/she is in all his/her alien baby glory. 

Top View: Head, Belly, Arms, and Legs 

(ignore the glare and my head in the background, I snapped this on my phone from the original picture)

Side View Left to Right: Head, Belly, Hand, Bottom/Legs

Heading to bed! Yes, it is only 7:20 but I am exhausted. Praying for Friday!

God is SO Good!

Peace.

My heart is truly calm and I am so thankful that I can find rest in Him.

Last week I was able to speak during our chapel at school. I used the verse Matthew 11:28 as our verse for the day. 

"Come to me all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you REST"
We talked about how awesome it is to be able to give our worries and stress to the Lord and how important it is to trust in Him not only when things are easy but when things get rough.

I found myself talking about it to a few of my kiddos again today and as I was talking I was almost giggling.
"Yes Lord, I know, I know, I hear you"

I don't know what the news is going to be tomorrow at our ultrasound but I am trusting in His promises to me and I know he wants good for Shaun and I. I have no doubt that He is in control. For some reason my journey to being a mom is not going to be easy or "normal" but that is ok. We will get there somehow.

As for now, we will continue to pray for this little baby and for the future of our family. Say a prayer for us tomorrow around 4:00! (:

Will I Ever Get to Relax???

I feel like I have been on pins and needles for months. 

Waiting for cycle to begin after false polyp surgery...will I be able to finish IVF before school starts?
Waiting for retrieval...are there any eggs to retrieve?

Waiting for embryo transfer...will any eggs be viable and strong enough to implant?
Waiting for pregnancy test...will it be positive?
Waiting for ultrasound...is there a sac, heartbeat, baby??
Waiting for 2nd ultrasound...is there STILL a heartbeat?

RELAX
PRAISE THE LORD

For 3 days at least....

Today I had my appointment with my OB. She explained that normally they would do an ultrasound right there in her office but since she had a CONCERN abut the LOCATION of the BABY,
she would like for me to go to the hospital to have it done, as their machines are better than the ones in her office.
She was looking over the pictures and feels that the baby is located dangerously close to the fallopian tube. It is definitely implanted in the uterus but it is near the entrance where the tube and uterus meet. The uterine lining is much thinner in that location making it difficult to support a baby at times. Basically, there will be nothing that can be done if her suspicions are proven accurate. Lots of monitoring and prayer that my uterus doesn't RUPTURE. Great.

Well there it is...I don't know why I expect ANYTHING on this journey to go smoothly.
I guess I am just meant to hit every single teeny tiny bump in the road.

I am not sure what to say except we would love your prayers. I am not sure of the exact ultrasound date but it will be within the next week or so. Please pray for peace for me, but more importantly for a healthy baby. A baby that will be able to be carried to full term. 

We've Graduated!

We have officially graduated from UCSD! Here is our certificate to prove it, signed by all of the nurses and doctors who have helped us along the way.

What an amazing yet scary feeling to be officially released from their care. We no longer have to drive all the way to La Jolla several times a week, yay! I no longer have to do injections each and every night around 6:00,  double yay!!
On the other hand, we are really going to miss all of the wonderful people we got to see on a regular basis. It has been the most amazingly positive experience and we are so very thankful to have been able to get treatment from THE BEST.

Our ultrasound was nothing short of amazing. I am now nine weeks and the baby is the size of a cherry or grape. We got to hear the heartbeat loud and clear at 175 beats per minute. Overwhelming joy.

In the picture the baby was in a bit of a sideways position so it is difficult to see but the left circle area is the head (at this stage the head does take up almost half of the body...or that could just be the fact that we have huge heads in our family...) The right circle area in the rest of the body. The connecting line from left to right is the umbilical cord. The tiny little circle at the top of the screen is the yolk sac. Anyway, you are probably thinking, yeah sure it just looks like a white blob. Yes, I agree but a perfect miracle of a white blob. (:

We are blessed and so excited everything is going well.

I am still super tired and am experiencing a very unsettled stomach off and on throughout the day. I cannot eat anything warm for breakfast and have been a bit addicted to Raisin Bran. I eat it for breakfast and also have had it a few days after work as a mid-afternoon snack. It is delicious to me right now which is rare since I am normally not a cereal eater, let alone Raisin Bran.
I have also been craving sour candy. I have eaten a whole bag of Sour Gummy Worms and a pack of Sour Punch Straws in the past couple days. For some reason the sour seems to override my queasy stomach.

Headed to home fellowship to get our worship and bible study on! We are so lucky to serve such a loving God. 

Is it September 22nd yet???

Everything is going well...I think...I just want it to be the 22nd so that I can see this little baby blueberry (that's how big it was a few days ago) on the screen again and be reassured everything is ok. 

I have lots of people around me who are pregnant and they seem to have so many more symptoms than me, so of course the bad voice inside of me that creeps up every now and then says there must not be a baby in there.

I am still tired. Am I more tired than usual? I don't know! Shaun says absolutely yes, but then again he is always the positive voice I need so I don't totally trust him. Haha

I have had quite a few moments of dizziness and this morning I was nauseas on and off all morning and especially felt it while driving to work.
**Note to self: put a bag or something in the car, so I don't have to use my lunchbox**

Thank you all for the prayers and constant love through Facebook, text messages and email. You are amazing and I am so thankful to have such wonderful friends and family.

On the 22nd I have another ultrasound. If everything is looking good then my wonderful doctor and nurse will release me from their care and I will begin normal visits through my OBGYN. No more driving to La Jolla and most importantly...
NO MORE PROGESTERONE SHOTS! Yay!

Keep praying, God is good. 

Joy!

Everything went well today and we saw our ONE perfect little baby!

I have a video but it is not posting for some reason! 

The doctor explained that at 5 weeks 6 days we should expect to see a gestational sac and sometimes a yolk sac but it is often times too early for the heartbeat...

 We got to see a very clear gestational sac, yolk sac, and a beautifully fluttering heartbeat! Praise the Lord! It was amazing to see the tiny little beat of our baby's heart. Wow. Words cannot express what a wonderful experience it was for both Shaun and I. 

And...I won the bet! It is only 1! Shaun will be getting to work on the crown moulding for the soon to be nursery since that was my half of the wager (; Thanks babe!

What a great day! We go back in a couple weeks when I will be 8 1/2 weeks along and they will do another ultrasound and then assuming everything looks good, I will stop the progesterone injections and be handed off to my normal OBGYN for the remainder of our pregnancy. 

Renewed & Ready

We are leaving in about an hour and a half to go and see our little baby(s) on the screen for the first time and I am so excited! 

Today we will find out how many little babes are in there and we might even be able to see heartbeats (although it may be a bit early for that). 

Shaun and I have a bet going...

I am convinced it is one and he is convinced it is twins. 

We shall see in about 2 hours who wins! I don't care if there are 4 in there as long as I see SOMETHING on that screen. 

Whatever it is, I know it is exactly what God wants for us so I will be perfectly fine with it. 

I  took another test last night because I let my paranoia get to me and I thought that if it was negative I would be able to better prepare myself for today. Stupid, I know. 

And, it was perfectly positive anyway. 

This morning I am feeling renewed in the peace of the Lord. I am joyful and feeling so blessed to have a Lord and Savior who loves me even when I am weak and undeserving. I have an amazing husband who makes me laugh every day and is going to make the most amazing dad and we are BLESSED. 

I am committing this day and this appointment to the Lord and holding tight to His promises. No matter what happens we will praise Him. 

TIRED!

It is 6:30 and I am in bed. Teeth brushed, face washed ready for bed. Crazy! I will play on the computer for a bit but if tonight is anything like the last 2 nights I will be asleep by 8:30 at the latest. 

I am so tired! 

My shot hurt very bad tonight for some reason and I cried. Only 4 more weeks to go! Of course it is worth it but it sure is getting old. It's beyond getting old, it's very old. I hate it. I love my little baby already but enough with the needles!

Speaking of baby!?!? Baby! Just saying that is weird...

I was talking to Shaun and realized that as Saturday gets closer, I am getting more and more nervous. I am more nervous for Saturday than I was for the pregnancy test. 

I am scared that when I look up onto the screen, there will not be anything there. :(

No heartbeat, no sac, no baby. 

Lord, help me to trust in you. Take away my fears and my anxiety. I know you are in control and I am excited to see the great things you are going to do in Shaun and I and with our family. 

I pray for this baby all day long and still I can't help but feel fearful that this joy is not going to last. That it is not for me. That maybe I have to endure something else, more, before I will get to really claim the words "I AM PREGNANT." 

Like I said, I am tired, and obviously a bit emotional. 

I will trust in Him. 

I had to see it for myself...

It is indeed....POSITIVE!

Some bloopers from my phone...we are soooo happy, can you tell?!?

Keep praying for our little munchkin(s). Saturday we go in for an ultrasound to see if it is one or two!